So, we’re not trying to get anyone in trouble. You read our articles, and keep the never-ending wealth that is our ad revenue flowing like Niagara Falls, so you have value to us. We need you to stay happy and healthy so you can read articles about Batman and why Ryan hates Philip Rivers, so we don’t expect you to follow all of these rules, and have created multiple ways to play THIS, our 2020 NFL draft drinking game.
Chicken Wing Philosophies
Firstly, we’ve created three different ways for you to play along at home, all based on long-lasting chicken wing philosophies. Because if you’re having a draft party, you better also have wings. That’s basically bro-law.
Firstly, there’s the number of rules you follow (or wings you eat).
Just for Kicks (or Punts)- 10 Rules
This one is just for fun. Pick some of the easier rules and try to keep track while having a good time.
Eternal Hangover- 15 Rules
This one is a little more severe. You’ve gotta think, if every one of the five additional rules happens twice, you’re taking an additional ten drinks!
Death Sentence- All The Rules
Please don’t do this. Don’t do all of the rules. This is a disclaimer for legal purposes, don’t do this, and then don’t sue us from the afterlife. We can’t go through that again.
Secondly, you can pick the heat of the rules. Some rules are harder than others! Some rules you’ll only see come up once, and some seem to come up every five seconds. So we’ve broken them down into severity of heat, with mild (not very common, but common enough to get a buzz), medium (a little more frequent, but hopefully not enough to cause a problem), or hot (recommended for whichever poor franchise reaches on Jake Fromm). Don’t worry, we’ll get to which is which later.
And finally, you can just pick and choose. This is a drinking game, we’re not there with you (wish we were!), and we won’t come knocking on your door until the preseason starts.
With all that said, we must start the ceremonies by pouring one out for Andy Dalton, who is about to lose his job as the starting quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals. Then, take a sip of champagne for Andy Dalton, who is no longer the starting quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals.
- A preposterous player comp.
- Someone takes a quarterback in the first round that didn’t have a first round grade.
- Every time they talk about a potential slide for Tua Tagovailoa.
- A quarterback’s hand size is brought up.
- A player’s suit matches the team that drafted him.
- Jon Gruden drafts a quarterback in the first round.
- Jacob Eason gets taken in the top 20.
- They show Rich Eisen’s 40 yard dash compared to a fast prospect’s.
- An analyst accurately predicts a pick before it’s announced.
- Every time the Washington Redskins are on the clock because someone’s life is about to be ruined forever.
- Someone says “the Draft starts with Detroit.”
- Jordan Love is picked in the top ten.
- A guest announcer roasts a rival team.
- They show the new Raiders stadium.
- The Patriots draft a white guy.
- The commissioner gets aggressively hugged.
- Someone calls recently relocated teams by the wrong city.
- Prospect gets called “the next” version of an existing player.
- Any and all trades.
- Jacksonville or Tampa Bay drafts someone who went to college in Florida.
- A white player is called surprisingly quick, a coach’s son, blue collar, high work ethic, or deceptively athletic.
- Drink steadily from the time the commissioner gets to the podium until the time the fans let him speak.
- Drink a finger for every position group that is drafted. (First QB is one finger, second is two fingers, etc, etc).
- Every time the camera cuts to someone in the green room who expected to be taken much higher.
- The commissioner gets booed.
- The commissioner struggles to pronounce someone’s last name.
- A former player reads his team’s pick.
Bonus Play Style!
There are some phrases that are brought up at just about every draft, and as often as they’re used, they don’t really mean anything. Please employ “chicken wing by numbers” philosophy to these or you’ll watch the second round from the hospital. Take a shot every time you hear…
- “Huge upside”
- “High ceiling”
- “Passes the eye test”
- “Coach him up”
- “Really shows up on tape”
- “High motor”
- “Workout Warrior”
- “Character Issues”
- “Can make all the throws”
- “Quicker than fast”
- “Generational talent”
- “Plays well in space”
- “Day one starter”
Conversely, you can also play bingo with any of these cliches! Do whatever you want, we’re not your Mom (unless your name is Michael Larson, in which case, don’t read this, you’re too young to drink!). Everyone else, have a good time, drink responsibility, and pray Isaiah Simmons falls to the Las Vegas Raiders at 12.
Otherwise, I’ll be drinking a hell of a lot more than a shot.
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