In contrast to my boss/co-blogger/drill sergeant Ryan Smith, I have brought the world the worst mock draft ever. In this mock draft, I attempt to be clever, innovative, and foretelling. This attempt will fail spectacularly, and after you finish reading it you will laugh. During the NFL Draft, you will tag me in a tweet to ridicule my poor choices. Finally, to complete your power move, you will email me a nasty letter and tell me to quit forever. Now read on and prepare your eyes.

P.S. I write “2020 Edition” only because I plan on writing the worst mock draft ever also in next year’s draft in 2021. However, no one knows if that will actually come to fruition. It only took me four months to write my first article in the current year.

The Worst Mock Ever (2020 Edition)

1. Cincinnati Bengals: Joe Burrow, QB, LSU

Even the worst mock ever can’t mess this one up. The Bengals aren’t entertaining any calls for the number one spot, and have dedicated all of their hours of pre-draft time to Burrow. Albert Breer of Sports Illustrated informed his readers that the Bengals have maxed their allowance of three one-hour calls with Burrow every week of the pre-draft process. This pick is an easy one.

2. Washington Redskins: Chase Young, DE, the Ohio State

Sorry for disrespecting OSU but a school that feels the need to say the word “the” with that much emphasis deserves all lowercase letters. Washington has a need at linebacker, but Chase Young is a monster. I have questions about his motivation based on his play as his last season drew to an end. He did not show up for his school in the biggest game of the season. However, Ron Rivera can draw out the best of Young and turn him into the new Julius Peppers that he is envisioning.

3. Detroit Lions: Jeff Okudah, CB, OSU

Ohio State goes for two in a row early in the draft. Okudah is rangy, lanky, and has masterful footwork. He made no mistakes at Ohio State and is a number one corner straight out of the gate. The Lions traded Darius Slay, so instead of rolling out there with Justin Coleman and Desmond Trufant, Okudah will replace one of them as the main lockup man.

4. New York Giants: Jedrick Wills Jr., OT, Alabama

Offensive tackle, check. Zone blocker, check. Wrong pick, check. David Gettleman has declared that having a strong front line is one of the most important factors for a Super Bowl winner, as if everyone already didn’t know that. After the season, he promised to improve the offensive line and still hasn’t done that. This leads to an easy prediction of Gettleman skipping on generational talents Isaiah Simmons and Derrick Brown and grabbing not the best offensive lineman in this draft. Good job Dave!

5. Miami Dolphins: Mitch-er Jordan Love, QB, Utah State

Here we go, this is the real beginning of the worst mock ever. A lot of people have Tua going early in this draft, but oh the places he will go! Instead of taking on those injuries, the Dolphins take their own version of Mitchell Trubisky and grab a mobile, strong armed, raw quarterback that will lead them nowhere. Love has been rising up boards, and this is how high we will land.

6. Los Angeles Chargers: Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon

Did you guys know that in an official census on the favorite teams in LA, the Chargers received 1.2% of votes while the LA Sparks of the WNBA received 1.3%? That number lowers a little bit more as the Chargers also pass on Tua and decide on Herbert to be their new franchise quarterback. Herbert has great footwork and that’s it. With an aging offensive line and a midget running back for backup protection, the Chargers and all eight of their fans will get a full display of those feet scampering for his life all season!

7. Carolina Panthers: Derrick Brown, DL, Auburn

To start off this promising regime, Matt Rhule takes one of the top two defensive players in this draft. After losing Luke Keuchly to an early retirement, many think that Isaiah Simmons will be taken here, but defensive line is more of a need for the Panthers. Either Simmons or Brown is an excellent pick and will be a defensive cornerstone for the teams that select him, my hunch is that Derrick Brown is higher on the Panthers board. Brown is a pass rushing, run stopping force inside and could not be handled by any SEC offensive lineman throughout the last two seasons. I saw no weaknesses from him and I trust that the Panthers saw the same.

8. Arizona Cardinals: Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson

The Cardinals are a true wild card at this selection. But I don’t understand why there is so much offensive line talk. Check out this stat: Kyler Murray was sacked 50 times but was only hit 69 (hardee har harr “nice“) times . To compare, the Atlanta Falcons also surrendered 50 sacks but with 136 quarterback hits. How could the Cardinals be tied for 5th for most sacks given up, but rank 6th for least amount of QB hits? I think the answer is Kyler Murray, who made many rookie mistakes. I predict improvement for the Cardinals offense, with maturity from Murray and the addition of Hopkins. No additional offensive lineman needed. I would love to see the Cardinals draft CeeDee Lamb here just to load up on WR’s, but I think they draft the best defensive player on the board at the eighth pick.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars: Javon Kinlaw, DL, South Carolina

Ahhh so close to Brown and Simmons. However, Kinlaw isn’t far off. Kinlaw was also a monster inside and the Senior Bowl helped his stock rise. Everything that Brown is, Kinlaw can pretty much do the same. The Jaguars have a need at corner, but also at defensive line. Jacksonville has drafted well on defense over the past three years, I can’t see them messing that up by drafting a corner with weak tackling skills such as C.J Henderson.

10. Cleveland Browns: Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa

Tristan Wirfs is the best offensive lineman in this draft. He’s agile, powerful, and athletic. He will be perfect in pass protection for Baker Mayfield, who struggled with decision making, due to the constant pressure he was under from the media as well as 300 pound muscled monsters. There isn’t any other glaring need from the Browns, the only doubt with this pick is which offensive lineman they take.

11. New York Jets: Mekhi Becton, OT, Louisville

Even with CeeDee Lamb still on the board, I just don’t see the Jets making the sensible decision of getting their franchise quarterback Sam Darnold a difference maker like Lamb. Instead, they gamble on a risky offensive line prospect to protect Darnold and instead, use a later pick on this deep wide receiver class. The Jets look like they’re headed for a collapse and the number one pick in the 2021 Draft doesn’t seem far fetched for this team.

12. Las Vegas Raiders: Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama

I love this pick. It makes sense, it gives Derek Carr no more excuses, but it also could be the wrong best wide receiver. I think Jeudy is the most NFL ready receiver, but I’m not sure he will be the best anymore. He is has the most speed in the open field, and his jukes and vision after the catch are elite. Better than Amari Cooper. However, very much like Amari Cooper, he has a tendency to take his eyes off the ball, plotting out his route once the ball is in his hands, and then the ball doesn’t end up in his hands. Hopefully, some sound coaching can fix that up.

13. San Francisco 49ers: CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma

The 49ers are also a team on the lookout for some wide receiver help. Jeudy and Lamb will go back to back here, just depends on which one Las Vegas picks.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Josh Jones, OT, Houston

The last piece that Tompa Bay needs for a full on assault in the NFC South is assurance at the tackle position. Protect Tampa Brady at all times. Josh Jones has excellent footwork and fights through plays all the way to the end. My strongest memory of Jones is against Oklahoma. He was flawless. If other offensive line needy teams are smarter and take Jones earlier, the Buccaneers will have to settle with a different one, but offensive line is the selection here.

15. Denver Broncos, Henry Ruggs III, WR, Alabama

I won’t spend too much time here because I hate Denver and Ruggs sucks. The Broncos want speed outside and that’s what they’ll be getting. That’s it. A 4.27 football player that runs straight lines. Congratulations, you found Darrius Heyward-Bey Jr.

16. Atlanta Falcons, C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida

I like the Falcons to select defense here. That has primarily been their focus in previous drafts and they still need help. I don’t recognize the names of who the Falcons have at corner. They lost Trufant. This seems to be the most sensible decision. Again, I am not a fan of C.J., but he does have good tape, it’s just not good enough for me.

17. Dallas Cowboys, K’Lavon Chaisson, DE/OLB, LSU

Pick a defensive position and the Cowboys need it. Pass rush is the most important and the Cowboys should be high on this speedy edge rusher with pretty finesse moves. Cornerbacks such as Trevon Diggs or Kendrick Fulton are not out of the question here, neither is safety. Again, pick a defensive position and the Cowboys need it.

18. Miami Dolphins, Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia

After selecting a probably bust at quarterback early on, the Dolphins grab the best available offensive lineman to protect him for the next 2.5 years. Andrew Thomas is familiar with a power scheme which is what Miami runs in their offense. Thomas has experience against SEC defensive lineman and was instrumental in helping Georgia running backs look good while he was there.

19. Las Vegas Raiders, Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama

This is supposed to be the worst mock ever right? I hope I have secured your doubts and insults. Mayock and Gruden are ecstatic to see an arm talent like this here but not surprised, because they’re smart like me. If anyone hasn’t heard yet, Tua has suffered two ankle sprains, a knee injury, and then his hip twisted out of its  socket which ended his season. That amounts to four lower body injuries for a position that requires legs as an essential part of their success as a player. The risk to take him at anything other than a late teens pick is too great. Not only that, but teams are unable to examine him due to the COVID-19 epidemic. I cannot see general managers of professional teams using an early first round pick on someone that has so much doubt swirling around his health.

HOWEVER, also in my  galaxy of possibilities, I also see the Patriots or Saints moving up to the 18th or 19th spots to secure Tua for their future. This would give him the highest chance of NFL success. In this case, Mayock decides to continue his romance with Clemson football players and selects A.J. Terrell, cornerback. Not what I want, but it’ll happen because this is the worst mock ever. 

20. Jacksonville Jaguars: Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU

The Jaguars hit again! Jacksonville quietly puts together one of the best first rounds of any other team by selecting two defensive starters to replace their predecessors Calais Campbell and Jalen Ramsey. Fulton is the stickiest in man coverage not named Jeff Okudah. He doesn’t have excellent measurables, but he is physical and like I said, just sticky. He doesn’t lose his man. Terrell and Henderson were susceptible to getting burned this year, this did not happen to Fulton.

21. Philadelphia Eagles: Denzel Mims, WR, Baylor

I don’t understand why Mims isn’t higher in mock drafts. His film is tremendous. Spectacular catching and strength is on record, on tape and people just aren’t watching enough of it I guess. Mims had one of the highest contested target percentages in college football. He was not elite at separating from corners but it just didn’t matter. He still caught everything contested his way. He’s strong, fast (4.38 40 time), and athletic (86th and up percentiles in vertical, broad jump and three cone). He was an NFL combine animal and his tape shows why. The Eagles possible get the best WR in this class, and a true number one option to pair with Carson Wentz.

22. Minnesota Vikings: Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU

Honestly I feel that other than Jeff Okudah, the popular cornerback prospect rankings are all jacked up. Gladney is also a very sticky man coverage corner that made. I think that Trevon Diggs is the best corner available here but I guess the Vikings don’t want another Diggs, and vice versa. Gladney has risen up boards and I expect the Vikings to take a physical corner in this position.

23. New England Patriots: Cole Kmet, TE, Notre Dame

There hasn’t been much buzz about Kmet in the first round and I’m not sure why. If the Patriots don’t end up making a move for Tua, I forsee them taking a position of desperate need and grabbing a difference maker at tight end. 6’6″, 260 lbs, 10 1/2 hands, and he catches everything. The Patriots offense stalled with Rob Gronkowski’s retirement. Kmet can bring some juice and reliability back in the passing game.

24. New Orleans Saints: Patrick Queen, LB, LSU

A familiar face joins the Saints in the Superdome. LSU star linebacker Patrick Queen will remain in Louisiana and move to New Orleans in order to anchor the linebacker corps that is desperate for young blood. Queen is a serious playmaker, and according to some good Louisiana sources that I have, he’s a football junky and leech for knowledge. Again, I think there is a high chance that Tua falls in this draft and the Saints make a move up to draft their quarterback of the future, but if I am completely wrong (also high chance), then the Saints grab a stud at linebacker.

25. Minnesota Vikings: Ezra Cleveland, OL, Boise State

The Vikings are drafting a second time very quickly, and here they grab some real offensive line talent. Cleveland has been shooting up draft boards and could be one of the best offensive line in this draft. I think this is a good offensive line class and the Vikings are running out of options. This isn’t just settling, this is a good choice.

26. Miami Dolphins: Xavier Mckinney, S, Alabama

Although this is a weaker safety class, I think there are two good options here. The Dolphins go ahead with the second best and find their new safety to replace Minkah Fitzpatrick. The Dolphins sent Fitzpatrick to the Steelers and received a first round pick in return. Here, they use the last of their three first round picks and find a new starter in their secondary. McKinney is strongest against the run but has the athleticism to play well in pass coverage.

27. Seattle Seahawks: Yetur Gross-Matos, DE Penn State

The Seahawks philosophy of drafting bad offensive linemen or ignoring the position altogether has worked so far, so in a blatant move to continue this process, the Seahawks go defense and grab some serious speed at the defensive end position. Matos can get to the quarterback in a hurry, and he wasn’t even playing at his natural position for his entire tenure at Penn State. At 6’5″ and stupid fast, he is going to be enjoyable to watch as their new pass rushing end.

28. Baltimore Ravens: Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma

Murray has dropped in mock drafts but not from his own doing. Patrick Queen’s tape and potential are just better. The Ravens have serious holes at linebacker. They have lost everyone. Murray isn’t Ray Lewis, but he is a perfect, traditional MLB that can cover, defend the run and handle the role as general of this defense. He was a playmaker at Oklahoma and this should continue with Baltimore.

29. Tennessee Titans: Jason Madubuike, DT, Texas A&M

Madubuike is a younger prospect, but he has potential to be the best defensive lineman in the draft. He came into light with big games against Ole Miss and Georgia. Those are tough SEC opponents with NFL offensive lineman he was dealing with. Madubuike dished out 11.5 sacks and tackles for loss each in his junior season. He didn’t need a fourth year to prove his strengths. He could go higher than this, and he should be a steal for the Titans here.

30. Green Bay Packers: Cesar Ruiz, C/G, Michigan

The Green Bay Packers need to look at protecting Aaron Rodgers for the rest of his career, and adding the best lineman left in this draft would help that. Tackle, guard. center, could all be addressed and Ruiz fills up two of those slots. Corey Lindsey, the Packers current center has a contract that expires after this season. Ruiz could be groomed for that spot early on, or if not, use his elite pass protecting skills at the guard position.

31. San Francisco 49ers: Trevon Diggs, CB, Alabama

Certain corners on the 49ers were scorched in the biggest game of the season against the Kansas City Chiefs. Do we know which ones? This isn’t a trick question. Every single one. Are the Chiefs receivers just too fast or were the 49ers corners just too slow off the jump? Yes is the answer. Trevon Diggs has been matched up against the shiftiness of Jerry Jeudy and bursting speed of Henry Ruggs III week after week at Alabama practices. Practice makes perfect and Diggs was one of the more perfect corners in college football. Length, size, and quick reflexes give the 49ers the corner that they need.

32. Kansas City Chiefs: DeAndre Swift, RB, Georgia

The worst mock draft ever is capped off by a terrible personnel decision by the Chiefs to draft a running back in the first round. This is very out of characteristic for the Chiefs who have been making smarter decisions recently. However, it is the perfect way to end the worst mock ever. Plus they could use a star running back to make their offense even more potent.