2021 NFL Draft Drinking Game

So, we’re not trying to get anyone in trouble. You read our articles, and keep the never-ending wealth that is our ad revenue flowing like Niagara Falls, so you have value to us. We need you to stay happy and healthy so you can read articles about Batman and why Ryan hates Philip Rivers, so we don’t expect you to follow all of these rules. In fact, we hope you don’t. Honestly, we’re telling you not to. There is not a human being alive that could follow all of these rules and live to see kickoff. We ask everyone to play responsibly.

So as a “fun” safety precaution, we have created multiple ways to play THIS, our 2021 NFL Draft drinking game.

Last year, our draft drinking game was far-and-away our biggest hit… so obviously, because we at ^_BroSports Narcissistic Penguin only care about money, we’re running it back! Here we go!

Guidelines

Chicken Wing Philosophies

Firstly, we’ve created three different ways for you to play along at home, all based on long-lasting chicken wing philosophies. Because if you’re having a draft party, you better also have wings. That’s basically bro-law.

Firstly, there’s the number of rules you follow (or wings you eat).

By Number

Just for Kicks (or Punts)- 10 Rules
This one is just for fun. Pick some of the easier rules and try to keep track while having a good time.
Eternal Hangover- 15 Rules
This one is a little more severe. You’ve gotta think, if every one of the five additional rules happens twice, you’re taking an additional ten drinks!
Death Sentence- All The Rules
Please don’t do this. Don’t do all of the rules. This is a disclaimer for legal purposes, don’t do this, and then don’t sue us from the afterlife. We can’t go through that again.

By Heat

Secondly, you can pick the heat of the rules. Some rules are harder than others! Some rules you’ll only see come up once, and some seem to come up every five seconds. So we’ve broken them down into severity of heat, with mild (not very common, but common enough to get a buzz), medium (a little more frequent, but hopefully not enough to cause a problem), or hot (recommended for whichever poor franchise reaches on Kyle Trask). Don’t worry, we’ll get to which is which later.

Boneless

And finally, you can just pick and choose. This is a drinking game, we’re not there with you (wish we were!), and we won’t come knocking on your door until the preseason starts.

With all that said, we must start the ceremonies by pouring one out for Gardner Minshew, who is about to lose his job as the starting quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Then, take a sip of champagne for Gardner Minshew, who is no longer the starting quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Mild

• Some is the “next” version of an existing player
• The announcers share a heartbreaking personal story about a prospect
• Every time the cameras cut to NFL team’s war room
• “We’re so happy we’ve got fans back this year” 
• A preposterous player comp
• Someone takes a quarterback in the first round that didn’t have a first round grade
• A quarterback’s hand size is brought up
• A player’s suit matches the team that drafted him
• Someone says “the Draft starts with Atlanta”
• A guest announcer roasts a rival team

Medium

• The announcers share a heartbreaking personal story about a prospect
• The Dolphins, Buccaneers, or Jaguars select a player that went to college in Florida
• The Patriots draft a white guy
• The commissioner gets aggressively hugged
• Someone calls recently relocated teams by the wrong city
• The commissioner struggles to pronounce someone’s last name
• The Jaguars select someone Urban Meyer recruited at Ohio State
• Someone says ““You can never have too many weapons on offense”

Hot

• Every quarterback drafted
• An analyst accurately predicts a pick before it happens
• Someone says ““You can never have too many weapons on offense”
• Any and all trades
• A team’s fanbase boo their pick
• Any variation of “did opting out hurt his draft stock?”

“The Specials”

Every good wing joint I’ve ever been to had the specials. Even Buffalo Wild Wings (Not an ad haha, unless…) has Blazing sauce. Narcissistic Penguin is no different. We have two horribly dangerous games you can play, if you really like to get nuts like Michael Keaton in 1989.

• Every time the fans boo the commissioner, start drinking, do not stop until the boos do.
• Drink a finger for every position group that is drafted. First QB is one finger, second is two fingers, so on and so forth. Honestly, this one is an entree in and of itself, and you probably don’t need wings as a side.

If you’re really trying to bury the knowledge that your team took the wrong player, take a shot if…

• RIch Eisen gushes about Mike Mayock
• Trey Lance is compared to Josh Allen
• The 32nd pick gets traded 
• The Jaguars select someone Urban Meyer recruited at Ohio State
• Sam Darnold is traded 
• Devonta Smith’s size is discussed
• Zach Wilson is compared to Patrick Mahomes
• The Las Vegas Raiders take a player with a second round grade in the first
• Mac Jones goes in the top 15 
• A premier wide receiver is available when the Eagles pick, but they go with a day two prospect
• A prospect’s high school basketball highlights are shown 
• There is Kyle Pitts/Calvin Johnson comparison

And take TWO SHOTS if…

• Jets or 49ers don’t take a quarterback
• Dolphins do take a quarterback 
• The Patriots trade up to take a quarterback
• Russell Wilson or Deshaun Watson is traded
• The San Fransisco 49ers traded all those picks just to take Mac Jones

And finally, arguably most importantly, drink all the alcohol if the Jacksonville Jaguars do not select Trevor Lawrence.

Bonus Play Style!

There are some phrases that are brought up at just about every draft, and as often as they’re used, they don’t really mean anything. Please employ “chicken wing by numbers” philosophy to these or you’ll watch the second round from the hospital. Take a shot every time you hear…

• “Huge upside”
• “High ceiling”
• “Passes the eye test”
• “Coach him up”
• “Really shows up on tape”
• “High motor”
• “Workout Warrior”
• “Character Issues”
• “Can make all the throws”
• “Quicker than fast”
• “Generational talent”
• “Plays well in space”
• “Intangibles”
• “Day one starter”
• “Plug’N’Play”

Conversely, you can also play bingo with any of these cliches! Do whatever you want, we’re not your Mom (unless your name is Michael Larson, in which case, don’t read this, you’re too young to drink!). Everyone else, have a good time, drink responsibility, and pray the Las Vegas Raiders don’t take a mediocre tackle at 17.

Otherwise, I’ll be drinking a hell of a lot more than a shot.